She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
