where am i from again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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