wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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