she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
