Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
