dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
