I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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