i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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