Can i not drive my cunt home
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
