some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
