I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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