just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
