you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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