i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
