this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
