Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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