also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
