She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
