I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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