my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
