I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
