I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
