There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
