I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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