Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
