shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
