I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
