I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
