yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
