she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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