I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize