ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
