we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
