So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
