Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
