i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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