yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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