I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
