Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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