how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
