that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I touched a dick in church today
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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