Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
