I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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