She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
