So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
