He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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