why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
