I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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