This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
