mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
