She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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