FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
