I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
