Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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