hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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